English Instructions on the Other Side
by GrouchyMcEyebrows
Summary: America can't figure England out... Maybe these instructions for a toy car will aid him! UsUk request for Threnna


"Hmmm... How does this work..." America mused, scratching the side of his head as he tried to figure out how to work his brand spanking new remote control truck. It was a gift from Japan to celebrate his birthday but for some reason he had never bothered to open it up and play with it. It could have had something to do with the fact that he had been too distracted by England who had (FINALLY) showed up for one of his parties.

Their 'special relationship' had somewhat escalated to a more _romantic_ kind afterwards and over the past few years. Their bosses had no problems with it so long as they didn't involve their countries affairs. America had hoped that once they became a couple that England would be easier to understand but the British nation still continued to call him names, treat him like a child and act stubbornly on the weirdest subjects (Seriously, fairies aren't real and he CAN'T cook).

America sighed loudly, returning to his former task before drifting off into thought. He glanced over the remote control once before deciding to bring out the instructions. "Step one, slide the charging plug compartment cover on the front of the remote open to access the charging plug... Note, you may need to use your fingernails to start the door sliding." He said aloud. "Well, that seems simple enough." America turned the remote over, using his right pointer finger to start sliding the charging plug compartment cover off.

"Alright, onto step two... Connect the charging plug on the remote to the charging plug socket on the side of the truck... See figure one..." America stared blankly at the small picture next to the written instructions before the information finally hit home. "Oh!" He grabbed the truck and followed the instructions before moving onto the next step.

"Step three, turn the remotes on/off switch to the on position... The charging indicator light on the remote will blink, indicating that charging is in process... Sweet! Almost finished!" America grabbed the remote and flicked the switch, turning the remote on, the charging light blinking brightly. "Wonder how long this will take..." He wondered out loud as he placed the remote on the floor by the truck. "Hey there are more instructions... Note, the length of charging time will vary depending on the percentage of the battery already charged and the strength and condition of the AA batteries in the charger... Average charge time is twelve minutes... Well I guess that answer's my question…"

Now all he had to do was entertain him self for twelve minutes and he was set! Well he supposed that was easier said then done seeing as the entertaining part of today would be to play with his remote control truck... Maybe he could make a sandwich instead! He tucked the instructions in his back pocket as he left his truck charging on the ground and headed to the kitchen. America was busy eating his sandwich when his phone went off in the lounge room. Stuffing as much of his sandwich in his mouth as he could, America dashed from the kitchen to grab his phone.

"Boummf grrumg!"

"Wha-What?" England's tell tale British accented voice yelled through the speaker. America swallowed as much of the sandwich as he could before answering.

"I said, 'Hello England!' To what do I owe this awesome pleasure~?" He heard England snort on the other side of the phone before he replied.

"Twit! I was calling to remind you that there's a meeting that you have to attend in London tomorrow night, I trust you didn't forget?" America blanched, ever grateful that England didn't have an i-phone and there for could not video chat and see his panicked expression.

"Duh! Of course I wouldn't forget something, so incredibly important like that! Come on Iggy, gimme more credit then that!" He walked out of the lounge room to the front door where he kept a super hero's calendar. Sure enough on tomorrows date there was a scheduled meeting in London. Shoot!

"Please refrain from using the nickname 'Iggy' and from ruining my language any more git! I expect you to be at the meeting bright and early!" America winced inwardly. Damn, this would mean that he would have to catch a midnight flight just to get there on time. Well at least now he knew what to do while waiting for his remote to charge.

"Yeah, yeah, so while I'm over there, do you think I could crash at yours? We haven't really spent much time together lately ya know?" America paused as the line went silent, as though England was thinking on the other side.

"I-I suppose so, but don't get any idea's wanker! This is a work visit."

"Aww but Iggy! Can we at least cuddle?" America knew his uber cool pout wouldn't work over the phone as well as it did in person but he hoped that England would feel it (Though he was several hundred kilometres away).

"M-maybe... Just maybe git." America grinned proudly. He could practically see the blush on the other's cheeks.

"Come on Baby, don't deny the hero cuddles~!"

"Good bye America!" The large nation pouted as the phone line went dead, indicating that England had ended the call. He did enjoy talking to England and getting him flustered. It was a shame that England wasn't easier to understand, then maybe he could get an 'I love you' instead of a dead line and a sore ear at the end of their phone conversations. Well, he couldn't dwell on that thought for long as now he had to book a plane ticket for one in the morning. Joy.

In the end America never did get a chance to play with his remote control truck as he had spent the rest of the afternoon packing and searching for meeting materials that he needed to bring. Luckily the president had a spare copy of everything and was more then happy to fax what ever he was missing to him before he left. America had never felt so stressed by the time he boarded the plane at one and easily fell asleep despite turbulence.

He arrived in London earlier then he had anticipated and with nothing else to do, America quickly found a coffee shop and skulled five cups. By the time he had finished his fifth cup he noticed the time and was surprised to see that England had text him.

'Do you remember where the meeting will be held?' Man, who text using such big words?

'Ya, parlmnt houz rite? B there soon' America smirked as he sent the text, knowing how much his bad grammar would grate on England's nerves. Well served him right for being so hard to understand. In the end he never received a message back though he never expected one.

Turned out he wasn't too far from parliament house and got there before even England. America smiled; proud that he had beaten his old caretaker at something he usually prided himself on. There were few politicians yet but America didn't chat with them while he waited. Instead he pulled out his phone and played 'Angry birds'. So involved in his game, he didn't notice the footsteps heading towards him.

"What in gods name are you wearing?" America looked to see England, cheeks slightly flushed and hair a complete mess standing before him. He looked like he had just run all the way from his house to the meeting.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too England. Gee wizz it's been ages." He remarked sarcastically, unable to hide how hurt his feelings were. England scowled in return and did his best to make his hair more presentable though it didn't appear to be working.

"Insufferable git." He muttered below his breath. America glared down at him and returned to playing his game in silence.

"There's nothing wrong with what I'm wearing." He mumbled, starting to feel slightly self-conscious at the fact that England had pointed it out. It wasn't like he was parading around in a dress or even shorts and a singlet like Australia often did. He was wearing blue jeans, black converse and a white shirt and his usual bomber jacket. He'd worn similar outfits to these meetings before so why was England getting so uptight about it now?

England scoffed but chose to keep quiet and not comment. It was most likely a wise decision as if they had began to argue then they'd get in trouble with their governments. They stood there awkwardly; England looking like he had something to say while America peered at him from the corner of his eye.

"I brought you some lunch..." England said suddenly, surprising America. The smaller nation held up his brief case, punched in the combination and clicked it open. Inside, to America's genuine surprise, was a bag of MacDonald's. The blushing Brit shoved the bag into his hands so suddenly it almost caused him to almost drop his phone. England then closed his brief case and walked away quickly. America watched him go, unsure of what to say. His boyfriend had just gone from angry to nice again. WHY WAS ENGLAND SO CONFUSING!

The meeting progressed, albeit slowly though, and soon it was over. America grinned and stretched out his legs while he waited for England to finish talking with his boss. The small blond Brit appeared two minutes later and waved at him. "Sorry about that, shall we go home?" America blinked and nodded. England was docile again.

"Uh yeah, sure thing Iggy~" The scowl that appeared not a second later on England's face seemed slightly less dark but no less threatening.

"I told you not to call me that git!" America laughed the rest of the way back home to England's.

The night consisted of England continuing to confuse America with his quick switch attitude. One moment he would scowl and yell at him the next moment he'd offer him food or even kiss his cheek! America had had enough by the time it reached 9:30 pm. He collapsed on the couch, even going so far as to slouch while he watched TV. Seriously! Had there ever been a harder man to understand America didn't think so. If only there was some kind of manual to-

America jumped up on the couch in a bout of inspiration and reached behind him where he'd slipped the instructions into his pants pocket. Success! He still had them! America grinned and flicked through the instructions, re-reading them like it was the bible. "Hey, these sound kind of…" America felt his cheeks heat up as he realised how these could be taken.

"H-hey England?" He called, tilting his head back slightly but eyes never leaving the page of instructions.

"Yes love?" England's voice drifted from the kitchen.

"I'm going to bed alright?" America tucked the instructions back into his back pocket and made his way hurriedly to England's bedroom. He had but a few minutes to find what he needed before England would come and join him for 'cuddles'.

By the time England had finished the dishes, America had been upstairs for a good five minutes. His actions had seemed suspicious and had left him wondering why the git had sounded so eager to get to bed. England reached his bedroom door (which was oddly closed) and paused, his hand hesitating over the doorknob; unsure of what he would find when he opened it. Should he open it? Should he continue walking down the hall to the spare room? No, there was a chance that France could be there so definitely not.

He resigned himself to whatever lay behind the door and opened it.

America grinned when he saw the door open and England cautiously walk inside. "Good to see you're finally coming to bed." He was standing by the bed and had been removing his shirt when England walked in. He felt England's eyes roaming over his chest and smirked to himself.

America turned and opened his arms to the smaller blonde, indicating that he wanted a hug. England often told him that it was a childish way of asking for one but he often responded to it without complaint. This time wasn't any different.

England slowly wrapped his arms around the taller nations waist and leaned into him. America smiled and hugged back in response, pulling him flush against his body. "I love you Iggy." He kissed the top of England's head, loving the soft texture of his hair on his lips.

"I love you too git… And don't call me Iggy." England leaned up and lightly kissed his lips before pulling away. "Time for bed Love."

"Aww come on England, we hardly get to see each other these days so why not?" America whined as he made a grab for England again. England looked apprehensive, his eyebrows furrowing deeply as if weighing his options. America decided to help him with his hard decision by leaning down and nuzzling his ear, gently sucking and nibbling at his ear lobe for good measure.

England gasped, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly, unconsciously allowing America more room to work. America felt England move closer to him, leading him to believe that the smaller nation wanted this as much as he did. He licked up the curve of his ear causing England to shudder and moan softly then pulled back.

"Sh-shall we take this to the bed?" America breathed heavily against the side of England's face.

"O-ok then love." England gave a shaky nod, he couldn't deny that he had wanted this too but he was too proud to be the one that had to admit it.

America pushed England down onto the bed when they made it there, smirking at the small squeak that escaped the older nation. England looked up at him with indignant eyes, confused by the sudden dominating behaviour and propped himself up with his elbows.

"What do you think you're doing?" He glowered up at America. The taller nation smirked down at him and pulled a small booklet from his back pocket. "Step one," He began. "Slide the charging plug compartment cover on the front of the remote open to access the charging plug... Note, you may need to use your fingernails to start the door sliding…"

"What?" England gasped at he tried to shove America's hands away. Since when had he been this kinky? And since when did he need instructions on how to have sex? He didn't have any more time to think as America placed the book on the bedside table and crawled on top of him. He looked down at the shocked expression of his lover, enjoying the fact that even though England was older then him and had seen a lot in his time that he could still surprise the old man.

Using one hand, America tugged England's tie off and grabbed both of his hands at the same time. England seemed to catch on to what he was planning but too late. His hands were already being tied above his head with his own tie.

"Y-you git! Stop that!" England squirmed underneath America's body, inadvertently letting the taller nation know that he was enjoying it more then he let on.

"I will once you let me slide open the charging plug compartment!" He smirked as his hand slowly roamed down towards England's navel. The older nation grit his teeth and tried his best not to move into the touch, he wanted to stay tough as nails against the younger nation. He felt the fingers dwindle over his crotch before they gently and painfully slowly began to pull down his zipper. Once the zipper was down, America then took his sweet time removing England's pants and then (After stifling some laughter) he finally pulled down England's rabbit print briefs… If England thought he was embarrassed now then he would surely die of all the teasing he would get later.

It of course shouldn't have taken as long as it did but America seemed intent on making sure that England suffered through lack of sexual release. God knows why!

America's smirk got wider when he got an impatient look from the older nation. Now that he knew he was allowed to press on (In fact, England encouraged it) it was time for step two.

He had now settled him self on top of England's lower back after he flipped him over, keeping the smaller nation from squirming too much. America reached out and grabbed the instructions, holding them up as a rather playful grin covered his face. Oh, he knew England wasn't going to like the next bit very much!

"Step two, Connect the charging plug on the remote to the charging socket on the side of the truck." He watched as England frowned, apparently trying to comprehend how that could be taken as sexual. Well he would soon find out!

America reached again to the bedside table but this time he opened the drawer and pulled out one object… And then another. England tensed and began to squirm harder when he saw what America had pulled out. "N-No way! You are most certainly not putting that! In me!" He protested as he managed to glare up at America.

"Aww! But Iggy! It's your charger, and if I don't charge you then you'll run out of battery!"

"I'm not a toy git!"

America pouted but reached for it anyways. He had made a point that tonight he was in charge. England could be in charge another night but tonight it was America's choice as to how they did things!

He grabbed the first object, a flower scented lubricant, and smothered it over his fingers. Usually he would suck them himself or even get England to do it but he found himself getting impatient for the next step. Tonight proper lubricant would be used.

He turned his entire body around on England, so that he was still sitting on the older nation but now he had a different view. America felt England tense, as he knew what was coming. The blonde smirked as he slowly trailed his fingers along the small of his back before descending towards England's arse.

England gasped sharply as a single finger invaded his body and probed gently around inside him before a second was added. Then they began to scissor, stretching the rings of his anus, preparing him for something far more 'fulfilling' then the lubricated fingers.

America added a third finger, loving how he felt England move slightly to make a rocking motion against them. He wanted more then America was currently giving him and America believed he was ready. He removed his fingers (Ignoring the small whine of protest) and reached again for what was on the bedside table.

Somehow he had known that England would have a secret stash of 'goodies' hidden in the back of his closet in case of emergencies. The dildo in his hands was lubricated up in seconds, as America didn't want to leave England waiting for too long. He would, however, have to endure the cooler temperature, as America didn't have time to warm it up.

"America…" England mumbled turning his head to the side, wondering why on earth it was taking so long.

"Don't worry! It'll be in… In a second." England's eyes widened as America positioned the dildo and then pushed it in against the resistance.

"Nngh!" The smaller blonde grit his teeth at the larger intrusion but that didn't stop him from moving his own body back to meet it. "A-America!" England was forced to spread his legs more to accommodate the dildo, letting it slid in easier. When it was pushed in to the limit, America stopped, leaving England frustrated and confused. "W-why are you stopping now?" He both questioned and whined, trying to see what the younger nation was planning on doing.

America was humming as he read the next step of his manual, flicking the page casually as though he didn't have his boyfriend tied to the bed with a dildo up his arse.

"Step three, turn the remotes on/off switch to the on position, the charging indicator light on the remote will blink, indicating that charging is in process!" He grinned down at England as he reached for the dildo. "Time to charge." America chuckled in a most devious way.

"N-no, America you git don't you dar-aaaah!" The sudden vibrations sent a wave of pleasure cascading though the older nations body. If he had been tense before he certainly wasn't now. England moaned loudly as his back arched, he hadn't realised how much he needed this kind of release until now and thanked America's stubborn nature silently. He still had to punish him later.

"Mmm England I think I know what the indicator light is now," America teased as he leaned down; pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck.

"Nng w-what…" England was too busy trying to move to get more friction to be paying attention to such small minor details like an 'indicator light'. America bit down on his neck without warning, leaving bite marks and causing the man under him to cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. His tongue ran over the indents on his skin, savouring England's small gasp.

"Your blush." The America chuckled, tilting England's head slightly to see that there was in fact, a dusting of red, which only get redder when he mentioned it out loud. England buried his head back in the pillow, he didn't want to be teased, he wanted to be fucked!

"Hurry up twat!" England half moaned, half growled as America shifted the 'charger' inside him, giving him some of the friction he'd so desperately wanted. America couldn't help but smirk in satisfaction at his handy work.

"Well, the instructions say… 'The length of time will vary depending on the percentage of the battery already charged and the strength and condition of the AA batteries in the charger' so we might be here a while." America placed a hand on his chin. Maybe there was another way to check if his lover was 'completely charged'. He moved behind England and slowly ran his hands up the others thighs, curving them in so that they were heading towards the other's crotch. His hands paused only once when they discovered the hard member, as just the feel of it was getting the America hard also. Ok, he couldn't wait any more. He had his pants down in less then a minute and his underwear in less then a second.

England was surprised when America rolled him back over, exposing both his erection and wanton expression. The dark look was all he needed to know that his sexual suffering was about to come to an end. He could feel a small amount of relief that America would finally get rid of the toy and fill him himself.

"Fuck America I need you!" He growled in a most animalistic way. He was sick of the dildo he needed the real thing now. America smirked and complied, pulling the dildo out as slowly as he had pushed it in and then he tossed it away somewhere on the floor. He was there a second later, pushing his own length into the smaller nation.

England moaned louder, arching his back and widening his legs for the American. The taller blonde grunted as he pulled out before slamming back in, loving how it was him making England moan and gasp.

It wasn't long before England couldn't hold himself back and cried out as he released his seed over both his and America's stomachs. America gasped as England's already tight entrance tightened even more and brought him over the edge, letting out a deep moan as he ejected into England's anus.

He collapsed half on top of his lover, snuggling into the crook of his neck and not bothering to pull out. "Mmm we should do this more often." He smiled and kissed the sweaty skin. England grunted and wrapped a hand around America's back.

"If you're lucky…" He muttered before closing his eyes. America followed suit not soon after, making sure to pull out of England before he wrapped the smaller nation in his arms for after sex cuddles.

America woke up late the next day. He groggily sat up and rubbed his eyes, peering at the clock that England had by his table. "12:34… Wow I must've been really tired." He giggled as he climbed out of bed and headed straight for the shower. Once clean and dressed he went to find England. It was no surprise to him that the older nation had gotten up earlier then him, not only to clean himself but also to clean the mess they had made with the 'charger' and the lube.

He was walking down the stairs when he smelt what he assumed to be lunch cooking. England was standing over the stove cooking when America walked in and wrapped his hands around the smaller mans waist. England didn't even flinch; instead leaning his head back to kiss America's cheek. "So you're finally awake, I thought you'd never wake up."

"Aww did you miss me?" America grinned and nuzzled into England's nice smelling hair.

"Git… Maybe… Now sit down it's almost finished." America kissed the back of his head and complied, sitting at the table when a thought occurred to him.

"Hey, do you know what happened to those instructions I used last night?" He peered at England, waiting for an answer. England smiled calmly and turned to face him.

"Oh that, I destroyed it in the most vindictive and malicious way I could." America frowned and slowly stood up before walking over to the pot that Arthur was cooking in. England continue to smile even as America peeked over his shoulder into the pot and sure enough, he could see among the masses of meat and vegetable a slip of paper…

"I hope you like beef stew." England grinned.

* * *

**Request fic for Threnna :DD I'm soooo sorry it took this long! **

**I, um, yeah... first smutt... Like, just smutt... And so it took me forever... But random need to write kicked out writers block and I FINISHED IT! **


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